So many of you know what happened a few months ago. The love of my life cheated on me. I can honestly say I hit rock bottom. I was lost and the day I found out my children ate a whole package of cheese and fended for themselves. I could not function. All my mind wanted to do was replay the whole conversation I found on the computer a few hours before that. My heart dropped to the floor and was then ripped out of my chest. I never cried so hard like that. I called up my husband and screamed at him. I told him that I knew and if he wanted to save this marriage, he better find a way home, because I was leaving. Lots of profanities was said, thank goodness my children were downstairs, but I am sure they heard enough. I had noticed when I started screaming at him, the background talking ceased. He told me later that he had to turn down the phone and even then that did not help. I was so angry when I found it, I posted it on her account and my husband's account. I am sure everyone got an eyeful. My dad was the first to call me. " A little bold, don't you think?" he asked me. I said well it made me angry. I cannot honestly remember the rest of the conversation with my dad. Except for he told me to get a hold of the bishop of our ward. I thought this is great way to meet him, we had just moved into the ward a few weeks before. I think I called my mom next or maybe she called me. I do not remember that conversation either. I was on autopilot.

The next thing I know I find myself knelling next to my bed pouring my heart out to heavenly father. I decided that if this marriage was to be saved, it was not going to be me alone doing it. That day I had so many phone calls and messages from friends I had not talked to in a long time. Two of his sisters came over and stayed with me. Our dear friend came and stayed with me for 6 hours, making sure I did not do anything irrational. I did not know what to do. Here was the man that I fell so deeply in love and thought this would never happen betray me. I was embarrassed and humiliated. I knew something was going on, I just did not have any proof. I had even met her a week before it happened. She helped us move to our new house and met my children. I even thought that she was nice and could see our kids playing with her kids.

I keep trying to figure out where did it all go wrong, when did his moment of weakness start. What did I do to make the decision easier? These questions are probably common in anyone's mind that has been cheated on. I just cannot understand why he could not say no, to stop it before it happened. Did he not think of the consequences of this one decision he made would potentially pull the plug of his life that he made with me. Is he that selfish, he could not see? This one decision could have destroyed a forever family, three children that think the world of him, and a wife that has stood by him in every decision he has made, been his cheerleader when everyone else shoots him down. A man who struggles to please his father, but is criticized every time. I am the one that has been there every event, decision, plan, everything, and now I felt like I had been kicked to the curb and four years of marriage meant nothing.

That day everyone wanted to talk about what happened and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and wake up from this nightmare of hell. I wanted to pinch myself and wake up to two of my kids sleeping on either side of me, but this was reality. I got a hold of the bishop and the man pulled some strings and made arrangements to speak with me since he could hear the sadness in my voice. My sister in laws watched the kids and I spoke with the bishop. He told me to continue praying, and to talk to my husband(I had not seen him yet) and decide from there. I went home after an hour and our friend and my husband was there. I came through the door not knowing what was going to happen or what was going to be said. The man who told me when we first met that he was going to marry me after only the second time of talking, told me now that he did not love me anymore. Once again for the second time that day my heart was ripped out and I could not breathe. I asked him when did he fall out of love with me and he said a year ago. We had just had our third child a year ago. My world fell apart, everything I had hoped for and trying to achieve was obliterated with those words. He said some other things, but I cannot remember.

I needed to get out of that kitchen, I told him I was done and ran upstairs to our bedroom, and sobbed so hard that I did not care what I looked like. He came up and I begged to at least try and work this out. That I would do anything to keep this marriage alive. He just looked at me and said maybe. He was not expecting this reaction from me, in fact it was the exact opposite of what he wanted. Earlier that day he had told our friend and his sister that he had in fact had slept with the girl. They had told him not to tell me that I was already crushed and this would put me over the edge. He had wanted me to mad like I was that morning, instead he got sadness and despair. He wanted me mad to give him an excuse to tell me he wanted a divorce. He never did tell me, maybe at that moment he seen a glimpse of the hellish pain he put me through or maybe he started thinking with his head. I do not know. He told me he was staying at his sister's condo and left. That is when our friend told me the things, that my husband did not have the guts enough to say to my face. I cried and snotted all over his uniform, but he did not seem to mind. He seemed at a loss of words of what my husband did. Nothing could have comforted me that night. Our friend left shortly after. Once that door shut, all the emptiness engulfed me. I remember calling my mom and saying he left me. I slid down the wall and sat in the kitchen. I do not remember the conversation. I just remember feeling like a rock was on my chest and I could not cry anymore.