So for the past four months the husband and I have been trying to figure out what change we wanted. We both were feeling like Utah was not the place for us. It has been hard on our family, our marriage, and everything else in between. We had been looking a different states to start new. We both thought Texas, that is the state we want. No snow, beautiful weather, a place we could call our own. So he started applying to the different police academies down there. I started looking at the different bases I could work at after I was finished with school. It looked really good and promising. We even was planning a family vacation down there just to see what it was all about and get a feel for Texas. I was really excited. I thought I finally figured out what I wanted to do with all this education. I wanted to work with soldiers, their families in dealing with deployment, substance abuse, etc... I thought this is it I have finally decided to do.
Fast forward to this last weekend. The husband receives an email back from the Lubbock academy inviting him in Jan 2012 to start the process of getting into the academy. The whole process would have taken four months to get in and so by May we would have been moving. Overwhelmed at this prospect, I immediately started crunching numbers of how much we needed to start saving for this move. Just for the moving truck, gas, food, and hotel it would have been $3,000. This was not including renting a place. Then he told me of the pay cut he would be taking and how long it would be to get back to what he is making right now. I was still alright with the pay cut, it would have been tight for a couple of years, but we would have made it. We made it on less in the past. We had decided that we were still going to go through with it. Tuesday rolled around and I get a text message saying he has be offered a position as a instructor and this can fast track him in his military career than where he is at now.
Let me back up and give a little history, next year he will be in for 10 years and he just got his E5 this year. So for this opportunity to come about is really good. The fact that he has worked damn hard and earned it is even better. So am I excited for him, but I felt left out. All plans to go to Texas were scrapped. My goal to work on the bases gone. He did not mean to make me feel left out and he fully supports me in my goals and dreams. It was just me and I still feel it. I feel like I do not know where to go or what to do. Utah is not the best place for the degree that I have thanks to the economy, who controls the budget, and that "mormon" feel (as stated from a forensic scientist to me). I also wanted to be out of this state. Do not get me wrong I love my friends, family, and the beauty of this state, but I do not like snow, the mind set of some, or how people are treated. I wanted something fresh and exciting. I wanted something mine.
The other feeling I got was when is it my turn to have opportunities come knocking. When can I have my chance for good news. I know that sounds selfish, but when you are a mom and a military wife opportunity to accomplish something for yourself gets lost and sometimes it is nice to be recognized for something you worked hard for. I thought this would be my moment to be able to make a difference in someone else lives. I guess just feeling shorted makes a person reevaluate what you really want. I am not excited about staying in Utah, but I can make the best out of it.
