In light of all the blogs I have read today and have been thinking about this for a couple of years now, I guess it is time to come clean with my feelings, fears, dreams, and hopes.
OK, here it goes.... my daughter has pediatric bipolar disorder. As I write those words, my heart is beating so loudly and I'm actually shaking(not from the lack of food).
When I heard those words, my world dropped. We knew that she had ADHD with ODD, she was diagnosed with this at the age of four. That was an adjustment, but we accepted and went on.
Due to recent studies in kids with bipolar, they have found that ADHD mimics some of the symptoms of Bipolar. So often times BP goes misdiagnosed as ADHD. It can also start at ADHD and progress into BP. Unfortunately with mental health disorders, there is so much that is unknown and so much studies need to do be done. Also the old way of thinking needs to be thrown out the window. I, myself have had to rethink everything I thought I knew to be myths and traditional thinking. Having to embrace that many of us as kids might have had or still have mental health issues. Instead of being considered a kid acting out or needing more discipline to straighten them out; actually accepting that something is truly wrong.
Going through the mental health channels is heartbreaking in itself. There is so much that needs to be advocated, but not enough loud voices for it. We just started going to a therapist because the only way Graig and I know how to handle her is yelling, spanking, anything to get her attention. We have since stopped spanking, because it was doing nothing for her.
Yelling is our go to, the doctor has told us that it just scares her, but to her it just ups the ante in the determination in winning that particular argument. No matter if she is wrong or not. This has been particularly hard in curbing, growing up for the both of us that is what happened in our households. I'm not blaming our parents, that is how they were raised and so on. They did the best that they were taught. The chain has to be broken. This is where I am hoping that going to therapy will help us break that cycle and give us different alternatives in handling situations. This is not only for her, but our other children as well.
I am hoping that therapy will help us in dealing with a new symptom that has manifest itself a couple of months ago. Raging. This isn't just a normal temper tantrum, but full blown fight. It is scary when something sets her off. It use to be just screaming at us, but now she throws things. Last night she was asked to fold laundry and today I have clothes from one end of the room to the other. She even had the audacity to make the comment of how messy the front room was and that last night was funny to her. Funny! I was full out bawling from the words that were spewing from her mouth, the screaming, and throwing things. I even called the psych children's ward to see what to do. Their suggestion made me bawl even more. Call the police or take her to the Emergency room to be sedated so that a crisis worker can assess her. I hate to admit this, but I hated her in that moment. Yes, I can hear the gasps now, but until you are in that situation you will not know what I was feeling. Finally, a great friend calmed me down enough to think more clearly. Needless to say this rage went on for two hours and I feel like it started to build when we had to go back and get homework she "forgot". It finally subsided when she got sent to her room for the rest of the night.
She knows that she has to help or do homework. She has a schedule, but the simple "no", can set her off and there is no stopping until we remove her from the room. Yesterday it was kicking her outside to calm down and then once it started up again she went into her room for the rest of the night. Giving these examples, I am met with criticism from some. Some just say she is hardheaded, others have told me we need to be more strict with her. For awhile I thought that is what I need to do, but now I know what I have to do. It is time accept that she will never be "normal" (whatever that might be) and things have to change with Graig and I or we will continue the same route that is not healthy.
So now you have a glimpse in the nightmare that Graig and I have been dealing with for awhile, unfortunately this is just one day of the many days we deal with her. This not only takes a toll emotionally, but physically as well.
So here is our journey of not correcting the problem, but to help us deal and live with it.
