I do not even know where to start with this post. Some of you might find this post offensive and others may not care, but I feel I do best when I can write it down. I have given up on religion. I am done with people judging others, finding fault with one another, not being able to live up to this standard that people themselves cannot even live up to. I am tired of feeling like I am a terrible person for giving up on religion. I have seen and felt the damage. I do want to clarify that I have not given up my beliefs, but just the need to have to belong to one religion or one set of beliefs.
Since as long as I can remember religion has been ingrained in me and up to three years ago it was the center for everything or so I thought. This hasn't been a quick decision or thoughtless choice, it has and will be an on going process. I haven't given up on god and all his goodness, but I see it in a simple light. A good friend's husband once told me that everyone needs to live life with no regrets, do what makes you feel happy. I have not been happy for a long time.About 8 months ago I started to let everything go. I stopped worrying that people could not see eye to eye with me, judging for forgiving my husband, wondering what others thought of me or my beliefs. I just have stopped. A couple of weeks ago I met our neighbors. This amazing woman has changed how I felt, I no longer feel like I am the only one feeling the way that I did. After leaving her house, I thought I am not alone, there are others like me. I could not tell my husband enough that day. He too has been supportive with my feelings. Sometimes I feel like I am beating a dead horse with how many questions and comments I throw at him, but he is patient and answers every single question that I have.
Everything that I get out of this I can exercise my free agency. Yes, there are consequences and I cannot control them, but I can control what makes me happy and what I want to do. I am sure some of you that read this will feel bad, maybe even disappointed, but don't. This choice is mine. Some might say that I do not have a testimony, to those I say you have no idea what is in my heart and only god knows.
