Life

Wow where to even begin. So life has gotten away from me in the last three months. I feel like I am in a whirlwind of emotions some can be blamed on the fact that we have six weeks until this little enters this world, but most is what life throws at you. Ours has not stopped. Ever since April, I feel like I am lost. The husband lost his good paying job and quickly found another one, but in the process took a huge pay cut. Everything that we have worked hard for is now lost, but what hurts more is having to cut things that pertains to our kids. We have not been able to truly celebrate 2 of 3 kid's birthdays because of that necessary evil called money. More bills than money. We did not celebrate Mother's day and soon to be Father's day. Trying to explain to our 7 year old that we have to wait until we have some money to celebrate just hurts. I think I have shed more tears in the last 2 months than I have for awhile.

Another thing is I have given up on keeping up with the husband. His plans change day to day. I know that he just wants to provide for his family, but sometimes I do not know where I gather the strength to keep up with it. I understand that he loves to deploy, but sometimes I feel that it all he thinks about and that we as a family is holding him back. I wonder why he is still married to me? I do not want him to give up his dreams and goals, but I wish that I could understand. I wish the feelings that he had for deployment was the same way he had for me. Do not get me wrong, I love my husband and would not change a thing. He is my best friend and I love being married to him. Maybe it is just a military thing that I will never understand.

Please do not take this as a poor pity me post, I just need to get it out. The frustrations, emotions, and heartache I am feeling right now. Some days I just feel like everywhere we turn it is just more conflict and emotion. A break or a sliver of sunshine would be nice in this brewing storm of emotions.